cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
