Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
