they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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