you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
