I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My penis needs a shock collar
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
