This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
