Can i not drive my cunt home
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Two words: blizzard sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
