I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
