Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
