Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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