If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
