i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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