hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
