Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
