the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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