please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
