My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
