You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
