No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
there's paper in my vomit.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Holy shit dude........stairs
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