Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
