Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
