C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
