i think my tv is drunk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
