I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
