I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
