gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the day after is always just damage control
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
