Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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