just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
