even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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