i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
