the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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