Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
