when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
