I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My feet surprised me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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