her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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