remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
