there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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