Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
