Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
