Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
