direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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