Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
