i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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