Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
