worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
