Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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