Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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