my phone needs a breathalizer
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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