I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
