I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
