I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You made out with two different species that night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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