He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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