Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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