Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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