Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
