Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
